I have been thinking a lot lately of how to love in the face of trauma.
How do you love your partner, a family member, a friend, your child or anyone in a healthy and productive way?
I have been thinking about and drafting this post for a few weeks now and I still do not have all the answers....
IN THE MIDST of being answer-less, I do have a few things that I have found to help me become more rooted and more conscious of the way I am loving others.
I honestly think that one MAJOR KEY *DJ KHALED* is being accountable. Find a way to hold yourself accountable for the way you behave and affect others. Know, that you can be healthy in a relationship by taking care of yourself and reflecting. Step back and reflect and reflect and reflect... often times the most healthy decision can come that way (except for the often spontaneous good choice, use your own discretion).
Here are a few ideas and resources I found that I am excited about adding to my practice of healthy loving. I often live in the abstract so if this is too AIRY and SPACEY, just look at the links, yo:
You GOTTA heal yourself and get through your own shit. Here are some websites that have helped me.
Also THERAPY and I mean good therapy.
Find a therapist that you actually LIKE working with. It's not going to be perfect but find something compatible to your wants and needs.
AND THIS ONE (my favorite): http://everydayfeminism.com/2013/04/what-does-being-emotionally-healthy-look-like/
Here's an online course as well: http://everydayfeminism.com/everyday-self-love/?utm_source=website&utm_medium=link&utm_campaign=Courses-Page-to-Es
2. Love your body
By "loving" I mean TAKE CARE of yourself. If you have something that you love to do in your body, do it. Exercise, yoga, sitting in a park, climbing a rock wall, stretching, breathing, eating your favorite snack...
THE WORLD IS YOUR OYSTER.
Knowing how to take care of yourself keeps you healthy enough to truly give to someone else.
Engage in things that stimulate your mind. This can be your job, or it can be a hobby or a side hustle. Have a grounding in the things that stimulate you so that you have something to return to when loving someone else becomes taxing or a little imbalanced (as life often does).
I am not including links for this one because I think everyone should determine on their own what stimulates them.
4. SET DAT FOUNDATION
Discuss with the people and person you love about ways you can build a healthy relationship.
Write things down, have a verbal commitment, make an Excel spreadsheet...
Set it in stone and refer back to it when things get rough.
Although I haven't taken this course yet, I am excited about it. Maybe it will be healthy for you:
Okay, tis all. Happy loving.